Go ahead and ponder why I’m not writing a blog tomorrow night AFTER graduation. Well, I don’t know. Sorry that sounds a little flat. I honestly don’t know how to feel. I already have a draft going on a blog to parents of juniors, but I can’t finish it until after tomorrow night. It’s sort of a user’s manual to prepare for the senior year. This particular piece of writing tonight is streaked with a little nostalgia and sprinkled with bits of grief. That’s how it is sometimes with life, so my writing follows suit. How can happiness and sadness intertwine so effortlessly?

The night before the test was positive, somehow I already knew.

The night before I had you, I found it hard to sleep.

The night before your first birthday, I cleaned and cleaned.

The night before your first t-ball game, I double-checked your bag.

The night before Christmas, I helped put fifty stickers on a motorized car from Santa to you.

The night before we had your sister, I was afraid of loving two babies the same… but I did and now I love three.

The night before kindergarten, I prayed you would like your school.

The night before your first date, I was nervous for you.

The night before you drove yourself to school, I prayed..HARD.

The night before 500 different dances and formals, I prayed… HARD (again).

The night before Senior Mass, I prayed yet again for you, but especially for your sweet sister.

The night before your high school graduation….

I’m at a loss.

I wish I had played more, prayed more, saw more ballgames…. just told you that you and your siblings are everything…

I’m having a tough time with the words.

The night before your graduation…

Is only a new beginning.

Son, pray. Read that Study Bible. It’s your guide. Treat the custodian like the CEO. Be kind. Everyone is fighting something hard. Be true… don’t conform. God made you special. Give yourself grace in the classroom and the baseball field. Mistakes will teach you exponentially more than success will. Study hard and don’t forget to let yourself have fun. Be a defensive driver. Buckle up. Be yourself.

Gosh, this sounds so boring.

Please come home often. Call me day or night if you need anything at all. Keep the Epipen on you and ask what’s in the food before you eat it. I miss you already.

Is this what it’s like the night before graduation?

I love you. See you in the morning.