This isn’t alcohol. It’s a vitamin-packed drink. Mamas… eat your Wheaties. It’s a long ride.

One day I’m going to sound eloquent. Today’s not the day. I made an attempt last week, and someone responded with a MUCH more eloquent response to my blog. Then I read a couple of other “mom-type” blogs and the writers need to win a Pulitzer for goodness sake. That’s okay. My hero, Erma Bombeck, started out writing obituaries. I have an excuse. It’s lack of decent sleep (that’s also my excuse for forgetting things). Last night was no exception.

I’m a good person. Really, I am. I even taught preschool during the fair and Halloween. It can’t be that hard? I give you 3.5 seconds. Tops. I just know I’m being punished for something. Whatever I did must have been really bad. Oh, yeah. Maybe it was the word I muttered to myself at the traffic light on Airport Boulevard. There ought to be a law.

3:20pm: Rush home from work; husband puts baby in car (he’s sick)

4:00pm: Doctor’s office

4:45pm: Mobile, Alabama, traffic. All red lights. All last two minutes and forty-five seconds.

5:00pm: Chick-Fil-A. Ain’t nobody cooking after Halloween week.

5:25pm: Satan’s playground (I mean, Mobile traffic).

5:50pm: Safely arrive in the sleepy hamlet of Grand Bay, Alabama. Get baby’s medicine at CVS. She knows his name, his ailment, and my underwear size. I love small towns.

7:30: Put baby to bed after bathing him and reading 500 books. Yep. It’s time to relax.

12:00am: Screaming and gnashing of teeth. Get baby up. Give Tylenol, juice, a snack, and produce a documentary.

1:30am: Husband and daughter return from ballgame. Baby still awake. Rock baby… but not before he dances around the den. Put baby to bed. Whew! Time to sleep!

1:45am: Tell my husband about the camel video on Facebook. “Cry-laugh” trying to tell husband about the camel video on Facebook. Toss and turn. Mentally make Christmas lists for my three children and everyone else’s.

5:45am: Screaming and gnashing of teeth, Part Deaux. Put baby in bed with us. Fun times.

6:00am: Husband’s phone rings. Memaw Katie has panic attack. It’s the college child telling husband he is at a hunting camp.

6:45am: FINALLY get up after a great night’s sleep. Give baby breakfast. Decide Ninxia Red should contain an alcohol component.

Please enjoy this video of the baby at Ungodlythirty last night. This morning? I don’t know anymore.🤦🏼‍♀️