So the mom jeans on the left (1990’s… my era) have returned. However, I’m a midlife girl living in a VSCO world.

Y’all. It happened again. I got stuck in a dress. You’ll recall our heroine (I mean me…sorry) going to an upscale resale shop in Mobile, Alabama, to try her luck at finding the perfect Mardi Gras gown. She duly gets stuck in said gown neither being able to slip off the binding garment, nor being able to pull it over her big head. A millionairess comes to her aid, and, thus, her journey to Dilliard’s department store begins . She finds her perfect dress and lives happily ever after for three solid hours. The end.

This latest episode took place in a local boutique. I won’t say where. They probably prefer advertising from someone who’s never used eye cream or has the road map of Highway 90 on her spider veins. I’m two for two. Touché. Anyway, there was a beautiful, sleeveless black dress that had a tasteful black lace overlay and high, jewel neckline. I knew it had to be gorgeous because I was wearing my progressive lenses.

Being that I shop for myself only when the moon aligns with Jupiter, I was excited. Well, as you already know, I got stuck in the dress. Technically, I never quite got the dress all the way on my body. Who makes a dress with a zipper that stops three fourths of the way down the side? My guess is either a man or someone shaped like a spaghetti noodle. As I proceeded to try on five other items that were too tight, too short, too young….. I began to reminisce.

Picture it. The mid-1990’s. There’s a girl with teased hair, mom jeans, a scrunchie, and a choker necklace. She has it easy in the makeup department as the ONLY acceptable skin care for a proper young lady is Clinique’s three-step program. She has her pick of five Cover Girl foundations from which to choose. The Limited is the bomb diggity, and those duck shoes come in handy on a rainy day. Turn up the Nirvana, please. “Let’s take a picture, y’all!” It will be ready in three days and if it’s REALLY good, we will put it……. somewhere.

Some of the 1990’s trends have come back around. Mom jeans, scrunchies, and chokers… oh my! On the other hand, today’s girls have it tough! Social media is cruel. We just wrote notes and had actual conversations. The horror. I was thinking about all the filters on these phones nowadays. How are the poor fellows going to know what these girls actually look like? It’s got to be disappointing when you finally meet in real life and Suzy Q.’s tan was computerized. I mean, we didn’t have filters. “You get what you get and you don’t fuss a bit” has always been my motto with the guys. I forgot eyeliner one time and three people asked me if I had the flu.

The latest label is that of the VSCO girl. We didn’t have a label (I don’t think). Allie oop, okey dokey, beanie weenie, sksksk. Not really sure about the VSCO lingo… sounds like a teenage red rover game or something. These poor girls have to choose from 5000 brands of makeup, spend too much money on some water bottle thingy, AND save the turtles by stacking up string bracelets. Girls, I’m talking to you. This, too, shall pass. In the not so distant future, you will look upon your youth with a wistful feeling as you are changing a poopy diaper while discussing your hemorrhoids with your husband. Get ready. However, with age comes wisdom, and you’ll realize that all these trends will come back in style. So chin up, you’ll have your chance to wear these clothes again…along with your progressive lenses.

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