Foibles and Foils

Foible:(n) a minor flaw in character

Foil:(v) to prevent something from succeeding

When I was a teenager, my mom constantly asked me where my lipstick and earrings were. This might be a Southern “thing” or maybe just a female thing. Whatever it is, it has come full circle as I feel “naked” without either. My generation is the Scrunchie, banana clip, jelly-shoe, electric blue mascara group. We girls had limited choices and now the options are endless. I have a ninth-grade daughter who might as well just stepped right off the cover of Vogue. My ninth grade self? Let’s just say I looked like a “before” picture.😂Although I don’t love getting older or some of the unavoidable characteristics that come with it, I really feel more comfortable with myself than I did as a teenager (minus crow’s feet).

Having said that, I can assure you I stay humble through a very unfortunate (and comical) series of beauty mishaps. I’ve been “foiled” by some beauty products and techniques at times . One could say my foible is trying too hard in the beauty department. Maybe you will see yourself in some of these stories.

Like many young girls in the 1980’s I did some interesting things to my hair. First of all, I’m pretty sure that getting a perm in my naturally curly hair wasn’t the brightest idea I’ve had. However, it doesn’t touch the time my mom and I tried a “new” technique for highlighting hair the NIGHT BEFORE ninth-grade pictures. We had always used a cap on my hair and pulled the strands through to highlight. There was a much easier method, though, and it was supposed to look like the sun had “kissed”my hair. We just “painted on” the highlights to sections of my hair without using a cap.

Y’all. My natural color was a mousey dark blonde. The part we painted was the color of an ORANGE highlighter. My mom was devastated (I laughed). She called her hairdresser who met us at some ungodly hour that night and feverishly worked on my hair. She could only do so much or my hair would break from damage. The next day for pictures I had WHITE hair… I mean, cotton white. I wore a pink sweater with white bows embroidered all over and a white bow in my hair. ON PURPOSE.

Moving on to the face, all I can say is the best lessons are the hardest learned. I went to a “spa party” at a friend’s house. There was a lip product that was divine. It smelled like oranges and was a lip mask that was left on for maybe five minutes then washed off and then completed with a special lip balm. I have decent lips but have never had full lips. It plumped them up and I was thrilled. There was a raffle and I won the product! Using once a day was effective, so I reasoned that using it twice a day was better. The word “reasoned” isn’t really appropriate (I lost my common sense).

I used my lip plumper mask/lip balm one last time before going to bed for good measure because we had field day at school the next morning and I wanted all the parents to see how pretty I was (I’m humble)🙄. I woke up that morning and something felt “off”. I looked in the mirror. Have you seen a grouper fish (Google it)?My upper lip was so swollen it was twice it’s size and my lower lip was shriveled up like I was 120 years old. I had to go to work. I spent the field day trying to suck in my top lip and avoiding stares. Did I mention that I’m stubborn?

My eyes are blue, deep-set, and one is a little larger than the other. It’s a dream come true. No, really. Also, my eyelashes were given out to everyone else before God made me. I try. I REALLY do. Once I used a “pinkish” eyeshadow to match a pink dress (barf). This was at a high school graduation with probably a thousand people. An allergic reaction ensued and I looked as if I was bawling through the whole ceremony. Another time (very recently) I accidentally used mascara primer and waterproof mascara together. My lashes broke off almost to my lash line EXCEPT for the outer and inner lashes. It was like having mascara fangs. My daughter applied fake lashes for me so I could feel pretty at the Mardi Gras ball. One side kept coming off and I could see it poking out when I looked forward. Attractive.

Eyebrows. Yep. They are IN STYLE. I have mixed feelings about the latest harsh look, but that’s just me. They look like caterpillars. My daughter did mine for that Mardi Gras Ball and I was so proud I told her they were “on fleek”. She nearly passed out and disowned me. I’m never allowed to say it again. Also, I’m using a serum to grow out my mascara fangs and I’ve been using it on my eyebrows… I have eyebrows growing now where my eyeshadow goes. Yep. Rocking two sets of eyebrows. Someone call the cops.

We all have our definition of beauty and we all strive so hard to reach it. I have found that it’s always just out of my reach. When I think I am made up and dressed to kill… someone else that I view as prettier comes along and my self-confidence literally deflates. I forget that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” according to my Heavenly Father. I will never stop liking makeup and getting made up, and hopefully I will have many more funny stories to tell. Humor is beautiful in my opinion, though, so maybe there’s hope for me after all. You are beautiful, too. ♥️