Can we chat? Feel free to “X” out of this blog before we get started. As a Christian, my first reaction (well…. should be) is to pray when it gets tough (it=life). Sometimes I ain’t so good at that. My first reaction sometimes is to act like a whiny-tail baby and pout. And complain. And… get the picture? Therapists are good (when they’re good), but I LOVE to write. There’s almost a feeling like a balloon is about to pop, but then someone lets it go. There’s a release in writing.
Today was our twenty-third anniversary. The pastor who married us told us in premarital counseling that the “intense fire” we felt for each other would settle down to a “fireside chat”. “How dare he?” I thought. “He doesn’t know how we feel. We will always have this flame and it’s not going anywhere!”
Pastor Dan knew what he was talking about.
Don’t get me wrong. Obviously, we love each other and we make gorgeous children… even in midlife (some people our age get new, fancy cars and pay off mortgages, but we’re more fun than those people 😂). When you’ve been married long enough, it gets, well, comfortable. Husband’s tend to forget about getting their wives a favorite flower. Wives tend to get complacent about cooking a favorite meal. The pile of bills seems insurmountable. Ballgames replace date night. The mystery is gone once you’ve helped your spouse get through a stomach virus. Diaper duty. And the list never ends.
My husband had surgery several days ago. He’s unfortunately feeling the aftermath. It’s been hard. We have a toddler who’s trying to be on his best behavior around “daddy’s hurt”. We’ve not been on a vacation with our family or weekend away as a couple in several years. I think our dog actually went somewhere this summer. Every time I’ve gotten on social media, everyone I know is somewhere with their family or as a couple. Even today on our anniversary, I see other couples going somewhere on THEIR anniversaries.
I could lie and say, “It’s okay! No biggie!” As a woman, and professing Christian, it seems to be a big “no-no” to whine about such things. “Just be grateful.” “Look at the bright side.” FYI: I’m VERY grateful and I try to encourage everyone else around me. Sometimes we women just have to have “a moment “(i.e. a good cry) and that’s okay, too. It’s normal and acceptable to want to celebrate an anniversary or feel like “you still got it”. It’s normal to look at the dishes/laundry/bathtub ring/toys on the floor and think “If I have to do one more thing around this house, Imma have a meltdown.” Look, life is hard sometimes and can we just acknowledge that fact?
So what is a woman to do? Do you want the answer? Well, I’m going to let you down because I don’t have any. I’m in my pj’s writing this blog. No answers. Just me. But here’s what I’ll do, and you can do this, too.
Go to therapy if you must.
Talk to a friend.
And just keep going. Don’t give up. Don’t stop. You’re stronger than you know. I’m glad we had this chat.
Sometimes… sometimes it just be like that.