Sometimes I feel like my writing takes awhile to get to the point. For those of you that read the first sentence to the last… bravo and thank you. Only once has someone reacted negatively to my blog, and she told me it was too “wordy”. Maybe, maybe not. I just love to write. I once heard a published children’s author give the advice to “write what you know”. Write about what speaks to you, your life experiences, life lessons. I have always told myself not to write when I’m not feeling well or when I’m feeling down. However, I believe those are genuine feelings we ALL have, and writing during those times gives a true perspective. I love being on the mountain. Don’t we all. But the truth is that I’ve grown more and learned more in the valley.
We are on spring break this week, which has given me way too much time to compare my life to others’😂. I’m being serious. First things first. Facebook is not your friend if you’re a mom whose husband works straight nights for a week, your teenagers get to go off and have fun, everyone on Facebook seems to be at the beach, New York, or a tropical island, and you are home not getting enough sleep, doing laundry, and taking children to the doctor. Y’all. I’m not complaining. I’m being REAL.
I really like social media, but I had to do a self-check this week. It started a couple of years ago. See the picture I used for this post? This is a beautiful china called Annie Glass. It costs the life of your firstborn. Just kidding. It IS very expensive, though. I started noticing about two years ago on Facebook that quite a few ladies I know have this china. I also noticed that in everyone’s pictures, they seemed to have the same wall color. I’m very observant, I guess. I began questioning my taste. This went on for awhile, then it didn’t matter anymore.
I did this at Easter, too. I was so proud of myself for putting a bunny on my front door with a big bow. I also got down my pewter Easter tree and hung pretty eggs on it for my kitchen. We were going to eat at someone’s house, so I made cupcakes with Easter sprinkles. Have you seen a balloon quickly deflate? That would have been me. We get there and her Easter decorating was like something out of Southern Living. The desserts were professionally ordered. Mine looked like a ten-year-old girl made them. I felt less than. Stupid me. Why did I bring cupcakes with sprinkles? I noticed her perfect mani/pedi. Mine was done on the floor of my bathroom. “You’ll never live up.” “You’re not cut out for this.” So many lies I kept hearing.
Now, back to spring break. As I was perusing all the tropical photos, trips, family time people were having as my husband worked, I felt hopeless. God spoke to me in that moment, and this is what He put on my heart… almost in an instant. “Katie, be patient.” I immediately knew that He was saying, “I know what’s best for you, and I have good things for you.” Yesterday, I took Aaron to the lake. A friend met me there with her children. I was so grateful, as it can be lonely having a little one at home. We had a nice (and busy) time watching our children. As I looked out to the water, I could hear my teenagers playing and laughing as children just like it was yesterday. I looked at Aaron and it hit me how blessed I am to have had another child.
I still want to go on a vacation. I still question myself and my decorating abilities. I still struggle with feeling “less than” and “left out”. But God says I am His. And I can only trust what He says. Not what others say or think about me, and especially not what I think about myself. By the way, I like my fine china.